5 Ways Not to be a Dick in Bed

Whether you end up in bed with a hookup or your long-term partner, there are a few common sex guidelines. Sex and sexual play is supposed to be fun for both parties, which is great if everyone is comfortable and on the same page. If someone throws a curveball, however, that can derail the whole party! Here are a few things to keep in mind next time you find yourself in a winky face situation:

  1. Respect boundaries

If she says something is a boundary for her at the beginning of the night, don’t keep asking. Chances are, over the course of your time together, she will not fundamentally change her boundaries, and she should not be pressured into saying yes to something in the moment. Do not do anything she says not to. You don’t want her to do anything you don’t want to, right? Well guess what! Everybody feels that so respect it.

2) Don’t pull out the kinky stuff without asking

No kink shaming here, but some things need to be discussed first. Anything aggressive out of the blue can be alarming, even if you think it’s hot. If she’s into it, then you’ll both be having an adventurous night. If she’s not, don’t do it. If you do it anyway or don’t ask beforehand, that is a form of sexual assault.

3) Wear a condom

Don’t be silly, protect your Willie. If you can’t shield your rocket, leave it in your pocket. No glove, no love. Cover up. No one wants to chance it. If she explicitly says it’s okay, then you’ve got the green light! If not, don’t pressure her into having sex without one. But when in doubt, go with the safer option to avoid unwanted pregnancies(or pregnancy scares) and STI’s.

4) Give and Take

Sex is not a one-man band. People refer to it as a dance. There are two people on that bed, and both are human beings with desires and feelings, so act like it. Make sure to give as much as you receive.

5) Communicate

This is what it alllllll comes down to. If you didn’t read the other rules just read this one. Communicate with each other. Consent is communication. Safety measures are communication. Communicate what you want! Don’t make them read your mind. Also listen to what they want! It’s a two way street. When in doubt, ask. Any embarrassing miscommunications can be avoided so simply.

Hooking up is fun when both parties feel safe and there is communication. The two sexiest words in the English language are “safe” and “communication.” Say it with me! I say “safe” you say “communication!” Safe! I’ll assume you did it. Great job. Now go out there and have a fun, safe, and respectful time!

 

Cara Brainerd

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