One of the most common manifestations of emotionally controlling tactics is minimizing or denying the abuse and its consequences.
“Perpetrators attempt to shift blame for the physical assaults and sexual abuse onto the victim and make excuses that are intended to engender compassion from the victim toward the person harming her. In many cases, the physical assaults and sexual abuse of Black women are punctuated with verbal insults and degrading comments both during an abusive incident and afterward.” (Beth, Pg. 34)
LACK OF EMPATHY
Abusive partners don’t put themselves in their partner’s shoes. They don’t care about the negative psychological, emotional, and social effects their abuse carries with it. All they see is their masculinity and power over the other person.
Some men in intimate relationships feel entitled to a woman’s submission to them, so when that entitlement has been violated, they feel they need to address it in abusive ways. Thus, exerting power over the woman’s mind, body, and spirituality.
IT’S ALMOST ALWAYS BEHIND CLOSED DOORS
In the case of Laine’s (Pg.32-33), most, if not everyone did not know that she was being abused by her husband at ‘home’. He raped, manipulated, verbally, physically, and mentally abused her almost every day. However, to everyone else, he was the perfect husband. The one all the women envied and wished they had. So, Laine agreed only because it made her look ‘good’.
Violence against women is a serious problem and should be addressed. Whether you’re in a committed relationship or not. Women ought to be treated with respect and not compromise their happiness or overall well-being for a ‘man.’ If you are experiencing any type of abuse by an intimate partner, don’t be afraid to speak up.
Information for help (anonymous if you’d like)- Click hotline to be directed to the website.
Call 800-799-SAFE (7233) or 800-787-3224 (TDD). The National Domestic Violence Hotline
Call 866-331-9474 or 866-331-8453 (TDD). The National Teen Dating Abuse Helpline